Punxsutawney Phil, Famous Groundhog Now Missing
Groundhog Goes Missing After Not Seeing Shadow
It was a beautiful, sunny morning on February 2, 2020 in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania – the perfect weather for any mammal with two functioning eyes to see its shadow.
“How can you not see your shadow on a day like today? It’s right there. On the ground. Next to all of the other shadows,” said a disgruntled skier attending the annual ceremony.
The Monopoly men in top hats and the famous furry rodent, in their very scientific manner, declared an abrupt end to winter in front of an angry mob, most of which were wearing beanies and Pit Vipers.
About 2 hours after the ceremony, it was reported to local authorities that Punxsutawney Phil had gone missing. An ominous ransom note was left behind that read:
“If Phil can’t see his shadow, then he’ll never again see the light of day either.”
The investigation is ongoing. And also fake.